My chastity journey

One last thought about Professional Domination

2005-07-18T12:57:00.000-07:00

I wrote a bunch the other day about professional domination, but I missed one important item -- safety. Seeing a professional dom, whose been around for a while, has a little bit of reputation, and seems interested in her skills as a dom has, oddly enough, been very safe. Professionals are ususally interested in having you come back, so even thought limits are pushed, they are seldom trangressed.

On the other hand, a quick look at craig's list or other amateur sites show how really scary it is out there.

2005-07-16T08:56:00.000-07:00

One of the commentators to this weblog made a comment about how it "sucks" that I was involved with a professional dominant. Mistress Katja was offended by the comment, and I’ve been thinking about it a little bit.

I saw my first professional dominant about 30 years ago, and, while not really experienced, have had long term relationships with three different dominants. I’ve also been married to a woman who was interested in kinky sex play, and I’ve been a member of various kink clubs or groups.

The biggest issue is the invisible hand of Adam Smith. Quite simply, the supply of beautiful dominant women is limited and the supply of submissive guys like me is big. So, if I was a woman with an interest in kink, I’d have a wide supply of submissives to choose from. On the other hand, beautiful women in leather don’t line up to date me.

Which brings me to the next issue – Beauty. When I’m in sub-space, I think I’d roll over for the ugliest person in the world. But to get to sub-space, for me there has to be that initial attraction. Most professional doms that I have seen are beautiful, some quite so. I think that at heart I’m hetero, so the beginning of a sub-dominant relationship I think for me needs to be hetero. I know Mistress Katja has been changing my thinking about my relationship with men, but I still don’t look at men walking down the street in the same way that I look at women. At the SM club in my town, I have to say the number of beautiful women is limited. (Many of the beautiful women there are gay, and aren’t interested in me). And I may be politically incorrect, but weight is a big issue for dominant women. I recently put a personal on Alt.com, and all of the responses were from very heavy women. I’m sure I could be submissive to them, but I’m not going to seek them out.

Lastly, for a guy like me, the clean, pure altogether submissive relationship with a dominant woman works just great. The mixed messages I’ve had in non-professional relationships are often difficult. Mistress Katja, on the other hand, seems to be interested in seeing how far she can push my boundaries, not something that can be done on a daily basis.

The commentator indicated that my relationship with Mistress Katja wasn't real. On the contray, I think it's one of the most real things I've ever done. I look at my time with Mistress Katja as one of the great adventures of my life. I’ve run out of money, but that’s a temporary thing. She has been great – imaginative, cruel, insightful, and beautiful.

Out of custody

2005-07-11T11:02:00.000-07:00

In June, Mistress Katja and I agreed to a "sabbatical" from chastity. There were a number of reasons for this, all on my part. First, I found it impossible to ride a bike with the chastity device on. Because I wasn’t riding my bike I was getting fat, and somewhat depressed. The other reason was financial. I simply couldn’t afford to see her as often as either she or I would like. So I’m sorry to disappoint my half-dozen regular readers and I have no new tales of pain or humiliation.

Some of you might like to know how its been. Aside from the freedom to masturbate, my life hasn’t changed all that much. I still follow most of the feminization routine that Mistress ordered. That is - panties every day, bubble baths twice a week, perfume every day, legs nicely shaved. I’ve given up my regular visits to the nail salon. Cost again, but when I took the polish off I discovered a nasty fungus under my nails. I’m sure I picked it up at the nail salon and it’s going to take forever to get rid off. Mistress insisted that while I was on sabbatical that I not ‘play’ at chastity, so I haven’t. I still tend to sit down when I pee, although being free to stand up is great at times. One thing that has changed thought, is that I now jerk off to pictures of men.

Emotionally, its been difficult. I miss seeing her, and I also really miss the ever present reminder of my sexuality that was locked on my penis. I thought that I would jerk off like crazy when I was released, but what happened was that my general interest in sex decreased somewhat. I’ve also realized that a good whipping every so often does wonders for my mental condition. I saw an item on the net a while back that said soviet doctors prescribed whipping for depression. If only I could get my doc to prescribe regular visits to Mistress K.

If any of you are interested, Mistress Katja said that someone had, perhaps in jest, offered to pay for a session with her and me. If that appeals to you, let me know.

More Nettles

2005-05-22T15:08:00.000-07:00

Mistress K asked me to write more about the nettles. First, the experience is a little odd. For example, when you get caned or paddled, the event and the pain are as nearly simultaneous as can be. Whack, it hurts. There’s some pain following, but it’s less. The nettles were exactly opposite. They barely brush your skin, you think "this isn’t too bad" and then the pain slowly increases. And increases and then doesn’t go away. It’s a terrible sensation. And it hurts like the dickens.

I hurt from the nettles from the afternoon until I went to bed. Alleve worked to reduce the pain by bedtime, but it still hurt. I should mentioned that my ass hurt the worst, and some of that pain may have been caused by my ass-presensitization caused by a little caning.
The next day, my whole body felt swollen. I mentioned in my earlier post that my chest was bigger. I’ve got little fat boy breasts, (Phil Mikelson B-cups) and yesterday they were substantially bigger. The pain had gone away, but I still had red spots and welts.

I started a thread on Max Fisch about this and I’m curious what other’s experience is.

Nettles

2005-05-22T08:50:00.000-07:00

Well, fans, I’m out of chastity. I was locked up for more than sixty days with no release, but Mistress Katja and I agreed to take a sabbatical for the summer. And she said I wasn’t to be locked up unless she had the key, that chastity was not a game. I agree.

I saw her the other day. It was my birthday, and for a present she brought a bunch of nettles. I had read about stinging nettles (St. Keven rolled in Nettles to control his sexual desire) but I had never experienced them. So I got strokes for my birthday with nettles. Nothing the truly evil Mistress K has ever done has hurt so much. The pain was like a slow burn, first the stroke and then, seconds later, the burn. She whipped my whole body with them, clamped nettle leaves on my nipples, and even whipped my penis. Then, she had me get dressed, put some nettles around my balls, and had me run an errand. I could barely walk. My body hurt all day, and the next day I still had welts. My chest was swollen, making my breasts larger.

I have done more, and gone further, in my submissive nature in the last six months, than I did in a lifetime of fantasy. I’m pretty proud of it, and I’m truly grateful to Mistress Katja for taking me along this road.

Enema

2005-05-09T15:25:00.000-07:00

For those of you who are counting, I’m about fifty seven days without release from my chastity belt. I saw ( the truly evil) Mistress Katja yesterday, and, while she let me out for a minute, I was back in without relief or release before I knew it.

My time with Mistress was overwhelming emotionally. A nice image – I was streched up on a St. Andrew’s cross (a ‘x’ shaped frame). The cross was facing a brick wall. Mistress was beating me. She would take her time, picking out a new whip, walking around behind me, swishing the whip around. As I faced forward, I could see her shadow, and the shadow of the whip on the the brick wall in front of me. The shadow was scary, as scary as the sound of the cane whizzing through the air. It was the first time she had caned me, and it really hurt.

For the first time in my life, I had an enema. In fact, I had several. These were what Mistress Katja called ‘punishment enema’s’. They weren’t very painful, but they were extremely, totally and effectively demoralizing. By the time they were done, I was in what’s called sub-space, and my only desire was to please Mistress Katja.

I wanted to show off my new bra and panties that I had bought at Victoria’s secret, and my reward was clothes pins on my nipples. While nipple torture is painful, its real benefit is that my nipples remain sore and erect for a day or so following.

Mistress Katja wants to see me more often. I had a comment here that I'm in another world than most. I admit that my behavior as cataloged on this blog is pretty deviant. But, I'm still excited by it, and I haven't hurt anyone, except myself. I'm getting old, and I don't want to spend my life in fantasy, when reality is available. Mistress Katja is young, creative, beautiful and keeps pushing my limits. At this point, though, she hasn't reached them.

Slavery essay

2005-05-05T05:52:00.000-07:00

While looking at porn on the internet, I saw a movie clip of a woman, kneeling in a bathtub. Guys were pissing on her, you couldn’t see the men, just the tips of their penises. They were verbally abusing her as well, and at one point, when told to, she looked at the camera, and said "I’m a piece of shit." Thinking about this scene, it struck me as about as totally degrading as something could get, and yet her total submission turns me on.

The path that I am is, I’m afraid, similar. I was thinking this morning in bed about how much Mistress Katja controls my life. She obviously has the key to my penis. In addition to keeping me from masturbating, the fact that my penis is locked up, as well as my shaved legs, painted toenails and panties, has changed how I relate to women. When I meet women in social situations, I’m constrained, because I don’t want to have to explain that I’m someone else’s property, and that even if she was interested in me, I’d have to get the key before we could have sex.

Mistress Katja also controls a lot of my imaginary life too. My sexual obsession used to be relieved by masturbation, and because it was relieved, it had limits. Because all I can do now is fantasize, my obsession takes larger parts of my life (here I am writing at 5:30 in the morning), and has gone in different directions at her wish. Before I started this I would never have fantasized about men, and now, because she told me to, I do.

My ordinary day to day life is controlled as well. I’ve given up my favorite hobby, because I can’t do it with the chastity belt on. My budget is constrained by my relationship with her. And I think about her a lot.

So being a slave isn’t living in the basement and being dragged out for sex, it’s a gradual and total change, that leads to an acceptance of my submissiveness. Its expressed in changes in my life, and a willingness to abase myself. So if asked, or if told to, I would gladly get pissed on, drink the piss and allow a video of myself on the internet saying "I’m a piece of shit", but I’m Mistress Katja’s piece of shit, and that possession is the important part.

Pink nightgown

2005-05-03T20:55:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend I got high speed internet, and being the guy that I am, I’ve spent a bunch of time looking at porn, especially movies. I mentioned yesterday that I’m fascinated by blowjob shots, facials and things like that, and that I imagine myself in the receiving role. Another spot is The Other World Kingdom. This is a place in the Czech Republic, in an old castle, which is run as a kingdom run by women. It’s a real place, and one can go there and visit, but as a submissive, you’d want to think twice, because it’s the real deal, with dungeons, and ponyboy play and all that stuff.

At any rate, I spent a couple bucks and subscribed to their movie site (www.OWK-cinema.com) and have had some thoughts. First, they have some amazing stuff. A guy caned until his ass bleeds. The guy I mentioned yesterday who had breasts. But more importantly, I was thinking about who I am. So on the internet, I see a guy pathetically crying as he’s whipped. I don’t think about what a doofus this guy is, I’m impressed with how beautiful and powerful the woman whipping him is. I want to be him, even if he is going farther than I’m currently willing to go in submission, and even if a part of my brain violently disagrees.

So here I am trying to keep my self-esteem, with my penis locked up, no key in sight. I’m sitting at my computer in my nice pink nightgown. I don’t think I have a choice.

A submissive day

2005-05-02T13:17:00.000-07:00

What a day for a submissive. Somehow, since my family left, I’ve been more committed to becoming as submissive as could be. So today, I went and got my toenails painted, fucked myself with dildo while watching some gay cum shot porn, posted an introductory note on a BDSM website, and am now going to shave my legs and take a nap. Later, I’m going to go shopping for an outfit I could where to the SM club which shows my true submissiveness. I think I dress too much like a top. Wrong semiotics.

coffee

2005-05-01T13:44:00.000-07:00

Well, I tried to masturbate again and the experiment was, as the scientists say, ‘not replicable’ so today I am totally horny, totally at the mercy of my chastity device, and my Mistress is far away. She told me at one point she was going to mail me the key as she was going to be out of town, but I guess that’s just more exquisite torture.

I went to the S&M club last night for a couple of hours. I have trouble meeting people there and I definitely have trouble asking for what I want. I look, I think, somewhat like a top, when at heart I’m a bottom. Moreover, there’s a cadre of older guys who just look, and I don’t want to be like them. So, I’m going to go buy myself some leather or vinyl club clothes. I look ridiculous in drag, but that humiliation is part of what I crave.

Playing around with my new high speed internet, I saw a video from the Other World Kingdom. The interesting part about it was that the Dominatrix was torturing a guy about my age with a nice set of breasts. The guy was pretty ugly, but he had a nice rack. Makes me wonder.

Lastly, on days when I don’t go to work, I don’t drink as much coffee as I do when I do go to work, and then I wake up with a terrific headache. Two solutions present themselves – First, cut down on coffee all the time, Second, drink more coffee on the weekends.

I wish Mistress Katja was in town, I really would like to see her.

Coffee

2005-05-01T13:41:00.000-07:00

Chasity belt fails --

2005-04-30T17:00:00.000-07:00

I had family visiting for the last week or so, so I haven’t written here in a while and I’ve been distracted from my usual sexual obsessions. So I’ve been locked up for almost two months now, and I was going to say with no relief, but I figured out how to masturbate yesterday and I did. I don’t think I’ve been horney enough to spend the time trying to figure it out, but I achieved it yesterday. I’m not sure what this means for my future in chastity – I may need a better device. I’ll talk about it with Mistress when she returns from her trip.

I did get high-speed internet, and found some terrific free porn movies. Since I’m anonymous here, I might as well admit I like to look at what’s called blowjob and cum shot pictures. I imagine myself as the woman, kneeling in front of the guy, cum all over my face.

When I last wrote, I was anticipating losing my virginity to a guy. It turns out that both of the guys who were interested flaked out, one way or the other, and I didn’t get to men’s night at the sex club.

My unitarian Jihad Name

2005-04-14T07:24:00.000-07:00

After seeing this referenced on several other blogs (http://mistressmatisse.blogspot.com/http:/.) (/www.livejournal.com/users/msservalan/), my unitarian Jihad name is:

My Unitarian Jihad Name is: The Pepper Spray of Forgiveness.

Get yours.

Rome

Looking forward to the weekend

2005-04-13T07:32:00.000-07:00

Well, things are heating up in this submissive’s life. I’ve been corresponding with a couple of guys via email. One guy I met thru Craig’s list and another who read my blog. They both want to teach me about how to suck cock etc. Also, the S/M club in my town has a men’s night on Friday. So, the odds are one of these things will work out, and by the beginning of next week I’ll be officially bisexual.

Mistress Katja has given her approval, and she still holds the keys. I wrote her and her response was mostly concern about sexual diseases, a concern I share. So, I’ll try to reduce the risk as much as possible. Sex always had a downside. When I was a kid -- pre-plague -- the risk of pregnancy was incredibly high, and the consequences even worse, because abortion wasn't available. Pre-aids, my understanding is that most gay men had a lot of other STDs, although not life threatening. One of my bigger concerns today is Hepatitis C, sexually transmitted, incurable. But I’m more likely to die from a heart attack.

On another note, I have had trouble riding my bike, and a posted about in on this listserve I get. Altairboy had a terrific response – get a recumbent. I’m going shopping this weekend.

Disappointment

2005-04-10T11:33:00.000-07:00

I’m disappointed that I won’t be sucking a cock this afternoon. The guy who was going to train me had a family thing and canceled. I was excited about it.

Other than that, no news on the chastity front. Although I wish I could find a way to ride my bike comfortably with the device on. What happens is that the ring slips forward of my balls, and then the friction causes the piercing to rub against my shorts. Its a little uncomfortable and I know that it doesn't feel right. My worry is that I'll start the piercing to work out. And then of course, there's no more peeing behind bushes for me.

Very sore nipples

2005-04-06T08:15:00.000-07:00

Mistress Katja called me yesterday and we got together last night. It was a very intimate and intense session as she had me bound on the floor and tortured me with small things – little wheels of pain, branding incense, ice, hot wax, nipple clamps. She was at her evil best and I left completely destroyed. In honor of our six month anniversary, she didn’t unlock my chastity belt at all. Due to our schedules, it will be at least a month before my poor little dick is free again.

She is encouraging of my attempts to widen my network of people to whom I’m out. (That is a really bad sentence!). We talked a little bit about my Craig’s list ad and my going to the BDSM club in town. Her direction, as always, was good, to be careful and be safe.

I haven’t got much response from my Craig’s list ad. One fairly reasonable sounding guy and a couple not so good sounding. I’m going to keep trying with the one guy and see if anything works out.

My nipples are very sore this morning, but I’m not whining about it.

Some days are harder than others

2005-04-05T06:15:00.000-07:00

First, about yesterday. I was writing about how normal my sissified life has become, and I didn’t even mention that I wear scent every day. I usually wear Chanel #5, (I think I like the old ladyish style thing) and I notice when I forget to put it on. This behavior comes from a man who didn’t even wear deodorant.

Some days are harder than others to be in chastity. I was horny and frustrated all day yesterday. I didn’t feel very good, a low grade headache, and spent the day lounging around the house, being horny. Since being horny makes me do either submissive or feminine things, it gets worse as the day goes on. It doesn’t do me any good to dress in lingerie, look at porn on the web, fantacize about my future sex life, and then at the end of the day, be in the same frustrated, locked up state I started in. This is my life as Mistress Katja’s chastity slave.

I think I may try to force the issue of my bisexuality. I think I’ll but an ad on our local Craig’s list, to see if there’s a nice guy out there who wants to teach me to suck cock. Just putting the ad in doesn’t commit me to anything. The ad will read – 57 year old submissive, currently the chastity slave of a dominant woman, needs to be taught how to sexual service men. I’m looking for a man willing to be my instructor. I’m sorry, I can’t reciprocate due to my chastity device. Please be non-smoking, no drugs.-- I’ll put it up and see who responds.

Life goes on

2005-04-03T09:04:00.000-07:00

I don’t know, but I have a new alarm clock, and it freaks me out because its sets the time itself. So, when I woke up this morning, it had already adjusted itself to daylight savings time. How did it know how to do that? What else does it know how to do. It also resets itself when its unplugged.

I haven’t been writing that much in this blog and of course I feel guilty about it. I know that Mistress Katja likes me to reveal my humiliation in public and also likes to keep up with my progress. What is happening is that I’m used to my life as a chastized and feminized slave. So without something "new" to report I tend to say nothing. So, I wear panties every day, I get a little thrill out of choosing which pair – I like satin but I do wear cotton. I also prefer bikini, rather than high cut, and thongs just don’t work for me. At least twice a week I take a bubble bath and shave my legs. I use a perfumed bubble bath product, and I really look forward to it, music, book, a little quiet time. Most days I spend time training to train my ass to take a cock. I have a selection of dildo type toys, and I try to work up to my biggest. Mistress Katja wants me to be oriented towards taking cock, either in my ass or in my mouth. A couple of times a week I’ll get in a chat room on the internet and have internet sex with a guy. Sometimes I pretend to be a woman, and sometimes I just go as I am in a gay chatroom. I try to look at gay porn on the internet as well, just to get me oriented towards cocks as sexual. (Of course its the submission that's sexual, the object doesn't really matter.)

When I write down what my life is like, it seems way out there, but here in the middle of it it's normal, average, perhaps even banal. One thing I like about it is that I know I’m not at the end of the journey. More will come, and if Mistress Katja has anything to do about it, it will be even more humiliating and degrading. I’m looking forward to it. I know that for sure in the near future I’ll have a real cock in my mouth or ass or both. What other adventures await me I don’t know.
I went to our town’s BDSM sex club last night. It gave me a chance to wear my new man kilt out in public for the first time, with shaved legs and thong panties, I loved the thrill of the cold air up my skirt. I didn’t know anybody there, and certainly don’t know the protocol for asking somebody to whip me, but what a scene. One of the adventures I look forward to is being in a scene in public.

I missed a phone call from Mistress Katja this week because I had misplaced my cell phone. Boy do I have regrets.

Frisson

2005-03-28T15:34:00.000-08:00

Frisson is defined as a brief moment of emotional excitment; shudder or thrill. So yesterday I opened the front door to pick up the paper, and as I bent down I saw my shaven legs under my bathrobe and my pink painted tonails. Frisson.

I handed my key back to Mistress Katja and had a shudder of fear and regret. Frisson.

I was talking to a male barista, and realized that he was now in my world of sexual possibilities. Frisson.

Sitting down to pee in the restroom at the coffee shop, and getting a whiff of the Chanel #5 that I wear. Frisson.

A guy in my office, with a scent like Mistress Katja’s. Frisson.

Speaking of toenails, I have permission from Mistress Katja to do my own, because I’m in a cashflow kinda crunch these days. Its fucking hard. I’m blind in one eye, old and reaching them and getting it right are very difficult. I guess I’ll just have to keep practicing. The cashflow crunch also is making it difficult for me to see Mistress Katja as much as I’d like. I wish that I could make money from being a sub, but the old law of supply and demand – more subs fewer doms, makes my sexual preferences non-marketable. I’ll take suggestions.

Went to Victorias Secret today, because I had a coupon for a free pair of panties. It was kind of routine, I'm sure the salesgirl knew they were for me, but she was totally cool about it. Just think, six months ago I remember walking around outside the store building my nerve up to go in.

Penis torture

2005-03-23T20:58:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning after dreaming about Mistress Katja torturing my penis. She has tried to train it to get soft when I hit it with a whip. It doesn’t work very well and I dislike that exercise immensely. But I thought it odd to dream about it.
We exchanged emails yesterday and today and she was gracious enough to remind me that I’m her property, a fact that I sometimes forget.

Some miscellaneous thoughts

2005-03-21T12:07:00.000-08:00

I had a housewarming party at my new apartment yesterday, and I wonder what all my friends would think if they saw me now, sitting in front of the computer, wearing panties and a bra, with metal contraption wrapped around my penis. What if they could see into what I have just been doing? I’ve been ‘sluthole training’ for Mistress Katja. Which consists of using dildos in my butt and looking at pictures of penises on the web, as I progress further along the line towards complete – I don’t know – degradation, humiliation, feminization, – something like that.

I was planing to go to our local S&M club on Friday, which was men’s night, but I chickened out. At some point I know I’m going to get fucked by and suck on a real cock, but I couldn’t bring myself to go to the club and look.

I had the scarey thought last night that I may never fuck anyone again.

Back as the saddle again.

2005-03-14T17:08:00.000-08:00

I saw Mistress Katja yesterday and I promised her that I would say here on my blog that she is ‘truly evil.’ Nothing that happened between us yesterday would lead me to believe it isn’t so.
I hadn’t seen her for almost a month, and I had the key in my possession for two weeks, so it took some mental reordering on my part to get ready. I’d been masturbating while I had the key, and realizing that I was going to loose that ability was a little daunting.

Just so my faithful readership knows how enslaved I am, she put clothes pins on my nipples and balls, had me stuff large balls up my ‘sluthole’, put me in a bra and panties and then sent me out to buy her an espresso. By the time I returned I was almost in tears from the pain on my nipples. My job, of course, was to be submissive to the barista.

She also shared her goal for me with me yesterday. That goal is to turn me into a slut, her bitch. She wants me to be able to cum while I’m being fucked in the ass. Ergo, my assignments to loosen my sluthole, and masturbate looking at gay porn. She said something along the line of taking the last bit of my masculinity away from me.

So here I am, back locked up, looking at a emasculated future. Wow.

Unlocked

2005-03-07T14:01:00.000-08:00

Well, out of chastity for a while. I got subpoenaed to testify in a court case, and the local courthouse has tighter metal dectectors than the airport, so I called Mistress Katja and asked for the key, which she gave to me a week ago Friday. What happens in this county when you are asked to testify, is that there is very little certainty about when you will appear and I haven’t testified yet. But it looks like tommorrow I’ll testify and then lock myself back up and send the keys to Mistress K.

Being free has been weird. I’m so used to being locked up that I still do things automatically, like sit down to pee. I’ve also continued with all of the feminazation routines Mistress K has ordered. So I keep my legs shaved, wear perfume etc. She has me doing "sluthole training" with a dildo. I now have to look at gay porn when I do so and I’m getting used to getting turned on looking at erect cocks. Since I’ve been able to jerk off this week I’ve made the effort only to jerk off looking at gay porn. (Random thought – if conservatives aren’t able to convert gay men into straight, will Mistress K be able to convert this straight guy into gay?)

I’m a little pissed off because I haven’t been able to figure out how to post pictures on this blog. I’m going to have to ask for help on that.

My brand is healing nicely. I don’t think its going to be real obvious, but its certainly going to be there

Branded

2005-02-25T07:29:00.000-08:00

I almost always wake up in the middle of the night with an erection. The last couple of nights I’ve been so hard it actually is painful. My darkest thoughts about my predicament also occur at that time. I was thinking last night about Mistress Katja’s concentrated face as she said "look at Me" and proceeded to burn my nipple. The burning of the letter K on my breast is healing and obviously going to scar. I’ve been BRANDED

I’ve come a long way from the callow dude who hid women’s panties and jerked off with them years ago. Now I wear panties every day, I open my panty drawer and make a selection. Cotton today, or satin? How much lace.? But even the panties could go away, but not Mistess Katja’s BRAND.

I’ve come a long way from last fall when I met Mistress Katja, and could negotiate my limits. I could say ‘I’d like to try some chastity play.’ It’s not play any more, its real, its slavery and I"ve been BRANDED.

Just last fall I would read transvestite stories on Fictionmania, and jerk off. Now I can’t jerk off due to my chastity device. And transvestite stories have been replaced by gay porn. Soon I believe that Mistress Katja will complete my transformation into a completely bisexual person. And of course I’ll agree, after all I’ve been BRANDED.

I was thinking, what if I went out on a date, or was at the beach, and someone asked me about the mark on my chest. I’d have no option but to admit, I was BRANDED.

In the immortal words of the Talking Heads, 'This ain't no party, this ain't no disco, this aint no fooling around."

Gay Porn and Yoko Ono

2005-02-22T20:47:00.000-08:00

I’m always surprised by how much a session with Mistress Katja takes out of me. I was dragging around all day yesterday and slept like a baby last night. Among the places Mistress Katja burnt with that incense was my nipples. All the other places are healing pretty easily but my nipples have been pleasantly sore and erect all day.

The other place that is different is the letter ‘K’ that she burnt on my breast. Its looking pretty good. It may be permanent. I’m going to try to figure out how to put pictures up on this blog and I’ll try to get a picture of the K up this coming weekend. I’m noticing that power is more and more transferring to Mistress Katja, from just wearing panties to a permanent mark. When I left her the other night I handed her the key to my chastity device and my heart gave a funny little lurch.

One of her assignments is that I have to train my sluthole. In English, practice fucking my ass with a dildo. The new part is that I have to watch gay porn videos while doing it. I spent a pleasant hour this afternoon with things up my butt watching porn. I can easily imagine being on my knees with a nice cock in my mouth. I am also intriqued by the cum-shots, and could also imagine having cum sprayed on my face and chest. The long fucking sequences are, quite frankly, boring. Yoko Ono, in her pre-John Lennon days, made a movie which consisted of two hours of close-ups of people's naked butts, as they walked on a treadmill. The movie had a hallucinatory quality about it if you could sit through it, as the camera angle never changed, and all you saw was a big white ass on the screen. A lot of porn has that same boring quality – unless of course its your exact fantasy. I also rented a movie with transsexuals, and there were a couple of scenes with a transexual being topped by a guy, and I found those scenes very hot.