Chasity belt fails --

I had family visiting for the last week or so, so I haven’t written here in a while and I’ve been distracted from my usual sexual obsessions. So I’ve been locked up for almost two months now, and I was going to say with no relief, but I figured out how to masturbate yesterday and I did. I don’t think I’ve been horney enough to spend the time trying to figure it out, but I achieved it yesterday. I’m not sure what this means for my future in chastity – I may need a better device. I’ll talk about it with Mistress when she returns from her trip.

I did get high-speed internet, and found some terrific free porn movies. Since I’m anonymous here, I might as well admit I like to look at what’s called blowjob and cum shot pictures. I imagine myself as the woman, kneeling in front of the guy, cum all over my face.

When I last wrote, I was anticipating losing my virginity to a guy. It turns out that both of the guys who were interested flaked out, one way or the other, and I didn’t get to men’s night at the sex club.

My unitarian Jihad Name

After seeing this referenced on several other blogs (http://mistressmatisse.blogspot.com/http:/.) (/www.livejournal.com/users/msservalan/), my unitarian Jihad name is:

My Unitarian Jihad Name is: The Pepper Spray of Forgiveness.

Get yours.

Rome

Looking forward to the weekend

Well, things are heating up in this submissive’s life. I’ve been corresponding with a couple of guys via email. One guy I met thru Craig’s list and another who read my blog. They both want to teach me about how to suck cock etc. Also, the S/M club in my town has a men’s night on Friday. So, the odds are one of these things will work out, and by the beginning of next week I’ll be officially bisexual.

Mistress Katja has given her approval, and she still holds the keys. I wrote her and her response was mostly concern about sexual diseases, a concern I share. So, I’ll try to reduce the risk as much as possible. Sex always had a downside. When I was a kid -- pre-plague -- the risk of pregnancy was incredibly high, and the consequences even worse, because abortion wasn't available. Pre-aids, my understanding is that most gay men had a lot of other STDs, although not life threatening. One of my bigger concerns today is Hepatitis C, sexually transmitted, incurable. But I’m more likely to die from a heart attack.

On another note, I have had trouble riding my bike, and a posted about in on this listserve I get. Altairboy had a terrific response – get a recumbent. I’m going shopping this weekend.

Disappointment

I’m disappointed that I won’t be sucking a cock this afternoon. The guy who was going to train me had a family thing and canceled. I was excited about it.

Other than that, no news on the chastity front. Although I wish I could find a way to ride my bike comfortably with the device on. What happens is that the ring slips forward of my balls, and then the friction causes the piercing to rub against my shorts. Its a little uncomfortable and I know that it doesn't feel right. My worry is that I'll start the piercing to work out. And then of course, there's no more peeing behind bushes for me.

Very sore nipples

Mistress Katja called me yesterday and we got together last night. It was a very intimate and intense session as she had me bound on the floor and tortured me with small things – little wheels of pain, branding incense, ice, hot wax, nipple clamps. She was at her evil best and I left completely destroyed. In honor of our six month anniversary, she didn’t unlock my chastity belt at all. Due to our schedules, it will be at least a month before my poor little dick is free again.

She is encouraging of my attempts to widen my network of people to whom I’m out. (That is a really bad sentence!). We talked a little bit about my Craig’s list ad and my going to the BDSM club in town. Her direction, as always, was good, to be careful and be safe.

I haven’t got much response from my Craig’s list ad. One fairly reasonable sounding guy and a couple not so good sounding. I’m going to keep trying with the one guy and see if anything works out.

My nipples are very sore this morning, but I’m not whining about it.

Some days are harder than others

First, about yesterday. I was writing about how normal my sissified life has become, and I didn’t even mention that I wear scent every day. I usually wear Chanel #5, (I think I like the old ladyish style thing) and I notice when I forget to put it on. This behavior comes from a man who didn’t even wear deodorant.

Some days are harder than others to be in chastity. I was horny and frustrated all day yesterday. I didn’t feel very good, a low grade headache, and spent the day lounging around the house, being horny. Since being horny makes me do either submissive or feminine things, it gets worse as the day goes on. It doesn’t do me any good to dress in lingerie, look at porn on the web, fantacize about my future sex life, and then at the end of the day, be in the same frustrated, locked up state I started in. This is my life as Mistress Katja’s chastity slave.

I think I may try to force the issue of my bisexuality. I think I’ll but an ad on our local Craig’s list, to see if there’s a nice guy out there who wants to teach me to suck cock. Just putting the ad in doesn’t commit me to anything. The ad will read – 57 year old submissive, currently the chastity slave of a dominant woman, needs to be taught how to sexual service men. I’m looking for a man willing to be my instructor. I’m sorry, I can’t reciprocate due to my chastity device. Please be non-smoking, no drugs.-- I’ll put it up and see who responds.

Life goes on

I don’t know, but I have a new alarm clock, and it freaks me out because its sets the time itself. So, when I woke up this morning, it had already adjusted itself to daylight savings time. How did it know how to do that? What else does it know how to do. It also resets itself when its unplugged.

I haven’t been writing that much in this blog and of course I feel guilty about it. I know that Mistress Katja likes me to reveal my humiliation in public and also likes to keep up with my progress. What is happening is that I’m used to my life as a chastized and feminized slave. So without something "new" to report I tend to say nothing. So, I wear panties every day, I get a little thrill out of choosing which pair – I like satin but I do wear cotton. I also prefer bikini, rather than high cut, and thongs just don’t work for me. At least twice a week I take a bubble bath and shave my legs. I use a perfumed bubble bath product, and I really look forward to it, music, book, a little quiet time. Most days I spend time training to train my ass to take a cock. I have a selection of dildo type toys, and I try to work up to my biggest. Mistress Katja wants me to be oriented towards taking cock, either in my ass or in my mouth. A couple of times a week I’ll get in a chat room on the internet and have internet sex with a guy. Sometimes I pretend to be a woman, and sometimes I just go as I am in a gay chatroom. I try to look at gay porn on the internet as well, just to get me oriented towards cocks as sexual. (Of course its the submission that's sexual, the object doesn't really matter.)

When I write down what my life is like, it seems way out there, but here in the middle of it it's normal, average, perhaps even banal. One thing I like about it is that I know I’m not at the end of the journey. More will come, and if Mistress Katja has anything to do about it, it will be even more humiliating and degrading. I’m looking forward to it. I know that for sure in the near future I’ll have a real cock in my mouth or ass or both. What other adventures await me I don’t know.
I went to our town’s BDSM sex club last night. It gave me a chance to wear my new man kilt out in public for the first time, with shaved legs and thong panties, I loved the thrill of the cold air up my skirt. I didn’t know anybody there, and certainly don’t know the protocol for asking somebody to whip me, but what a scene. One of the adventures I look forward to is being in a scene in public.

I missed a phone call from Mistress Katja this week because I had misplaced my cell phone. Boy do I have regrets.