Frisson

Frisson is defined as a brief moment of emotional excitment; shudder or thrill. So yesterday I opened the front door to pick up the paper, and as I bent down I saw my shaven legs under my bathrobe and my pink painted tonails. Frisson.

I handed my key back to Mistress Katja and had a shudder of fear and regret. Frisson.

I was talking to a male barista, and realized that he was now in my world of sexual possibilities. Frisson.

Sitting down to pee in the restroom at the coffee shop, and getting a whiff of the Chanel #5 that I wear. Frisson.

A guy in my office, with a scent like Mistress Katja’s. Frisson.

Speaking of toenails, I have permission from Mistress Katja to do my own, because I’m in a cashflow kinda crunch these days. Its fucking hard. I’m blind in one eye, old and reaching them and getting it right are very difficult. I guess I’ll just have to keep practicing. The cashflow crunch also is making it difficult for me to see Mistress Katja as much as I’d like. I wish that I could make money from being a sub, but the old law of supply and demand – more subs fewer doms, makes my sexual preferences non-marketable. I’ll take suggestions.

Went to Victorias Secret today, because I had a coupon for a free pair of panties. It was kind of routine, I'm sure the salesgirl knew they were for me, but she was totally cool about it. Just think, six months ago I remember walking around outside the store building my nerve up to go in.

Penis torture

I woke up this morning after dreaming about Mistress Katja torturing my penis. She has tried to train it to get soft when I hit it with a whip. It doesn’t work very well and I dislike that exercise immensely. But I thought it odd to dream about it.
We exchanged emails yesterday and today and she was gracious enough to remind me that I’m her property, a fact that I sometimes forget.

Some miscellaneous thoughts

I had a housewarming party at my new apartment yesterday, and I wonder what all my friends would think if they saw me now, sitting in front of the computer, wearing panties and a bra, with metal contraption wrapped around my penis. What if they could see into what I have just been doing? I’ve been ‘sluthole training’ for Mistress Katja. Which consists of using dildos in my butt and looking at pictures of penises on the web, as I progress further along the line towards complete – I don’t know – degradation, humiliation, feminization, – something like that.

I was planing to go to our local S&M club on Friday, which was men’s night, but I chickened out. At some point I know I’m going to get fucked by and suck on a real cock, but I couldn’t bring myself to go to the club and look.

I had the scarey thought last night that I may never fuck anyone again.

Back as the saddle again.

I saw Mistress Katja yesterday and I promised her that I would say here on my blog that she is ‘truly evil.’ Nothing that happened between us yesterday would lead me to believe it isn’t so.
I hadn’t seen her for almost a month, and I had the key in my possession for two weeks, so it took some mental reordering on my part to get ready. I’d been masturbating while I had the key, and realizing that I was going to loose that ability was a little daunting.

Just so my faithful readership knows how enslaved I am, she put clothes pins on my nipples and balls, had me stuff large balls up my ‘sluthole’, put me in a bra and panties and then sent me out to buy her an espresso. By the time I returned I was almost in tears from the pain on my nipples. My job, of course, was to be submissive to the barista.

She also shared her goal for me with me yesterday. That goal is to turn me into a slut, her bitch. She wants me to be able to cum while I’m being fucked in the ass. Ergo, my assignments to loosen my sluthole, and masturbate looking at gay porn. She said something along the line of taking the last bit of my masculinity away from me.

So here I am, back locked up, looking at a emasculated future. Wow.

Unlocked

Well, out of chastity for a while. I got subpoenaed to testify in a court case, and the local courthouse has tighter metal dectectors than the airport, so I called Mistress Katja and asked for the key, which she gave to me a week ago Friday. What happens in this county when you are asked to testify, is that there is very little certainty about when you will appear and I haven’t testified yet. But it looks like tommorrow I’ll testify and then lock myself back up and send the keys to Mistress K.

Being free has been weird. I’m so used to being locked up that I still do things automatically, like sit down to pee. I’ve also continued with all of the feminazation routines Mistress K has ordered. So I keep my legs shaved, wear perfume etc. She has me doing "sluthole training" with a dildo. I now have to look at gay porn when I do so and I’m getting used to getting turned on looking at erect cocks. Since I’ve been able to jerk off this week I’ve made the effort only to jerk off looking at gay porn. (Random thought – if conservatives aren’t able to convert gay men into straight, will Mistress K be able to convert this straight guy into gay?)

I’m a little pissed off because I haven’t been able to figure out how to post pictures on this blog. I’m going to have to ask for help on that.

My brand is healing nicely. I don’t think its going to be real obvious, but its certainly going to be there