Slavery essay

While looking at porn on the internet, I saw a movie clip of a woman, kneeling in a bathtub. Guys were pissing on her, you couldn’t see the men, just the tips of their penises. They were verbally abusing her as well, and at one point, when told to, she looked at the camera, and said "I’m a piece of shit." Thinking about this scene, it struck me as about as totally degrading as something could get, and yet her total submission turns me on.

The path that I am is, I’m afraid, similar. I was thinking this morning in bed about how much Mistress Katja controls my life. She obviously has the key to my penis. In addition to keeping me from masturbating, the fact that my penis is locked up, as well as my shaved legs, painted toenails and panties, has changed how I relate to women. When I meet women in social situations, I’m constrained, because I don’t want to have to explain that I’m someone else’s property, and that even if she was interested in me, I’d have to get the key before we could have sex.

Mistress Katja also controls a lot of my imaginary life too. My sexual obsession used to be relieved by masturbation, and because it was relieved, it had limits. Because all I can do now is fantasize, my obsession takes larger parts of my life (here I am writing at 5:30 in the morning), and has gone in different directions at her wish. Before I started this I would never have fantasized about men, and now, because she told me to, I do.

My ordinary day to day life is controlled as well. I’ve given up my favorite hobby, because I can’t do it with the chastity belt on. My budget is constrained by my relationship with her. And I think about her a lot.

So being a slave isn’t living in the basement and being dragged out for sex, it’s a gradual and total change, that leads to an acceptance of my submissiveness. Its expressed in changes in my life, and a willingness to abase myself. So if asked, or if told to, I would gladly get pissed on, drink the piss and allow a video of myself on the internet saying "I’m a piece of shit", but I’m Mistress Katja’s piece of shit, and that possession is the important part.