Obsession

Mistress Katja has been renting space in my head all week. I know that a day hasn’t gone by when I haven’t thought about her, but most hours contain at least a fleeting thought. What exactly is it, I don’t know, but I do know that last Sunday had a big impact. I see her, beautiful, tall, powerful. I see her face – giving me a sip of water, firm and powerful as she slaps me. I see her long, beautiful legs, and long for the ability to ask for permission to kiss her feet. I keep changing the picture of her I have as my wallpaper on my computer.

If this is what happens so soon, what will the inside of my brain be like after she has me locked up?

The chastity device should be here soon, but I don’ think my piercing is ready for it yet.

An Evening with Mistress Katja

I saw Mistress Katja last night for a session. I had asked for a longer, two hour session, and as I mentioned here before I was excited as a schoolboy about seeing her. We met again in the same S&M studio as last time. I won’t be able to go into the chastity device for at least another month so I'd wanted to establish my submission to her before then.

When I arrived, she was dressed in a long black dress and heels. This outfit wasn’t particularly dominant, but she looked beautiful and somewhat scarey. We chatted for a few minutes before starting the session. One of the things I mentioned was that the Abu Ghrav pictures turned me on. When I saw the soldier holding the poor Iraqi on a leash my thought wasn’t "how awful" but rather "I want to be him." Mistress reassured me that she didn’t think I was the only person who thought that way.

Two different themes encompass the session – pain and humiliation – and both were intense. The humiliation somehow starts when Mistress says, all matter-of-fact, "take your clothes off." It’s exquisitely humiliating to be naked (a la Abu Ghrav) in the presence of a clothed, dominant Mistress. The humiliation continues as I quietly held out my arms and legs for the heavy leather cuffs and am chained to the rack. Mistress comments on my erection, and the fact that I’m dripping from the end of it, even while chained up. My time on the rack was the time of pain, a progression of whips and floggers on my back and ass. She has added having me beg for more strokes, which is always difficult. Even worse are the words I must use – "Mistress, may I have another harder than the last." I said those words, even though I knew what would happen. She stopped only after I was in tears.. After we were done she showed me the whips, and the ones that did the damage were a heavy rubber flogger and a riding crop.

I’m particularly fond of a series of novels by Paul Scott called the Raj Quartet. The topic is the dissolution of India in 1947, told through a series of characters. The villain, if you can call it that, is a policeman and the tragic hero is an Anglicized Indian young man. At one point the policeman canes the Indian in a police station. The Indian man never complains of his treatment, but later in the novel the facts of the whipping are discovered. What I am trying to get to is that after he beats the Indian, the policeman holds his head and gives him a drink of water. The policeman tells him the beating and the water establish their "relationship." The reason I’m into this long diversion is that last night Mistress Katya gave me sips of water whileI was chained up. Thinking about it this morning I am both moved and sexually excited. (I’m sexually excited whenever I think about Mistress, so that’s not unusual. ) But I’m moved, because, I believe our relationship, her dominant, me submissive, was sealed by that small act. It was an act of ownership.

After Mistress Katya finished beating me, she dressed me up in stockings, a bra, and a kind of teddy-like affair with garters. I had mentioned to her some of my cross-dressing desires, but I didn’t expect her to know so exactly what my fantasies were. I want to mention that she changed her clothes after finishing with my makeup, and appeared before me in her heels, and wearing a black, lifelike, strap-on dildo.

Pain and humiliation. Putting clothes pins on my balls at her direction. On my knees, with clothes pins on my nipples.

During this time,while I was on my knees, Mistress explored my fantasies about cocks. She somehow knew that I sometimes masturbate thinking about sucking cocks. I’m still blown away by how accurate she was about my fantasies.

Pain and humiliation. Holding my cock from below, out in front of me, and asking "may I have another, harder than the last?" when she uses her strap on the head of my cock.

When I got home I fell asleep almost immediately. I woke up with a raging hard on at two in the morning and jerked off then.

I’m also frightened to some extent about the future. She has said that once she has my cock locked up and she has the key she’s going to rock my world. She encouraged me to sign up for a strap-on web site, and to masturbate to gay porn. Who knows what’s going to happen. I know I’m committed to this journey. Now that I know she likes to dress me up, I’ll dig out my c/d stuff. I’m pretty sure I have a corset and some other items she’ll like.

I’ll report again to this blog later in the week. The device is due any day.

pretty toes

Well, what Mistress Katja wants, Mistress Katja gets. I had the morning off from work and decided that this was as good a day as any to get my nails painted. I see her on Sunday and my other options would likely involve many other people in the nail salon and even more humiliation. The city I live in has many nail salons, mostly run by Vietnamese immigrants with limited English. (They all have great names too – Happy Nails, Perfect Nails, Lucky Nails, Wonderful Nails etc.) So I went to the bank, and there was a salon right across the street. My heart was beating, I was sweating, and I sat in the car across the street staring at it and feeling like a stalker. I didn’t go in, but instead drove to one I knew was on the second floor, so people would be less likely to pass by and see me with my pants rolled up.

Luckily, noone was there except two nice Vietnamese women, who didn’t ask any questions. Just take off your shoes and sit down. I sat in this large electric chair which massaged my back while my feet soaked in hot water. I asked for a manicure as well – figuring I might as well, since I was there. While I still was feeling a little nervous, I relaxed a great deal after actually getting started. Then, of course, the inevitable question. "Why you doing this?" What could I say? I just said I had a date and that my date wanted me to paint my toenails. They didn’t laugh at all, but who knows what the two women said to each other in Vietnamese.

The actual manicure and pedicure are really nice – cuticles clipped, legs and hands massaged with lotion. I had my fingernails covered with clear polish, and I swear I can feel it on my nails. My toenails are dark red – Chinese Red it said on the bottle.

At the end, my nails are done and I’m just sitting there waiting for them to dry, two other women customers come in. They can see me sitting up on this big chair, my bright red toes hanging out for all to see. They’re friendly with the Vietnamese ladies and there’s a lot of chat. As the Vietnamese ladies start to work on them, I’m still sitting there. I wanted nothing more than to get out of there, but every few minutes they would come back, look at my toes and say "a few minutes."

So now I’m back home, having had my daily dose of humiliation, and wearing my proud reminder of it. I’m looking forward to Sunday. I have to admit that I also feel really charged up and alive, as well as sexy. If I had permission to masturbate, I’d be pulling hard right now.

Looking forward to my date

I’m going to have a "session" with Mistress Katja on Sunday. I asked for it, even thought it will be some time before my chastity device arrives, because I would like to further establish my submissive relationship with her and get to know her better, and let her get to know me better before she has this big power over me.

She has insisted that I not masturbate for at least five days before the session. I think I masturbated last on Saturday, so I’ll be horny by Sunday night. I wrote and asked her if I should do anything else before we meet, and she wrote back that I should wear panties all the time, and that I should go to a nail parlor and get a pedicure. When I got the email my heart started racing and I had a hard time concentrating on work for the rest of the day. I am excited by the feeling that I’m obedient to my Mistress, even if she’s not in my presence.

Wearing the panties won’t be too hard. I wear panties almost all the time, except when I go to the gym and need to change with other guys around, and even then I sometimes where plain cotton Victoria’s Secret bikinis, just not flowered or satin panties. Getting my toes painted is another thing altogether. I did this a few times a year or so ago, and I found it humiliating to ask. In my town there are lots of nail shops run by Vietnamese women, and walking in, explaining what you want, picking out the color, is really hard. Actually getting the pedicure is really nice, my feet feel great, massaged, no calluses etc.

I was so excited by all this that I came home and took all the hair off my legs with some Nair I had under the sink. So I hope I’ll be ready for my big date Sunday. I’m sure we’ll talk about the chastity experiment, and If the last time is anything to go by, I’ll leave with some welts or bruises.